Daniel Day-Lewis is the finest actor of his generation, but I don’t think I would enjoy him as a friend. He is VERY serious about committing to a role. During the filming of My Left Foot, Daniel played a character with cerebral palsy and made the crew carry him between sets, feed him his food, and take him to restaurants in a wheelchair. During the filming of Lincoln, Daniel made everyone refer to him as “Mr. President.” During the filming of Gangs of New York, Daniel caught pneumonia because he wanted to wear his butcher costume in the dead of winter. What a strange fellow! I love Daniel as an actor and encourage everyone to watch There Will Be Blood at least ten times. I do not, however, want Daniel involved in my life because the things that make him a great actor also make him sound insufferable. Imagine if you worked in the industry and your job was to spoon feed Daniel mashed peas and call him Mr. President! No, Daniel’s method acting habits are not for me.
Tiger Woods is the finest golfer of his generation, but I don’t think I would enjoy him as a friend. He is maniacal about preparing and focusing for a golf tournament. There is no brain in the history of sports that I understand less, one that allowed him to win tournaments while his personal life fell apart, return from countless back and knee surgeries, weather the chip yips, and make the cut at the 2022 Masters with a body anchored by metal. His stare as he walks to the first tee terrifies me and I don’t even have to play against him! His mental fortitude—in a sport that demands it more than any—can only be described as sociopathic. This is what separates Tiger from his peers, but that singular ability to focus and treat golf as life doesn’t sound very fun to be around. Imagine trying to enjoy a round of Saturday golf with Tiger’s eyes boring a hole through you and his metal legs clinking in your backswing! No, Tiger’s mental approach is not for me.
Speaking of transcendent golf icons, Augusta National is the finest course in existence and seeing a field of professional golfers touch its playing surface is more erotic than the finest pornography. The 2022 Masters was universally praised for Tiger’s return, Scheffler’s ascension, and Rory’s blitz on Sunday. Fans and players alike rave about the green complexes and continual pressure Augusta places on shot making. It is the funnest style of golf to watch and play.
The PGA Tour is run by a bunch of dweeby polos. Now, I can’t hate that too much because I am also a dweeby polo. I can, however, hate their approach to golf course setup and a continued unwillingness to follow the roadmap established by The Masters, one that is UNIVERSALLY PRAISED BY FANS AND PLAYERS. Why does the PGA Tour continue to embrace a style of golf that pales in comparison to what Augusta National offers?